Bobby Tells All: Volume 2

Calm down ladies, the second installment in the Bobby series is finally here. Several of you expressed a desire to hear things from Bobby’s perspective, and well – be careful what you wish for, because here you go. Behold Bobby’s second guest blog post, and remember: you did this to yourselves. If you really wish to relive the hurt, go back and peruse Volume 1.

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When Harry Met Sally
by Bobby B-Dubs

After much begging, nagging, pleading and a final threat of not sharing the Skittles with me (thank you Lori, my most favorite candy EVER), I caved and wrote this post for my adoring fans. Mostly because I cannot possibly be around Skittles for that long without making them rain on myself.  Plus I know the only reason anyone reads this blog is for the occasional mention of me. So for Volume 2 in this gripping series, I give you the story of how I met Amanda:

Let’s flashback to November of last year.  I went to Meadow Creek by myself to compete in the last HT of the season.  There I am, getting myself all situated when a trailer pulls up and this kinda pasty white girl pops out of the truck and starts unloading her cute bay gelding.  She seemed really nice and I was happy to have a show friend… “it’s Snow White and she’s stabled right next to me!”

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        I was wrong AF… remember her spirit animal from my last post?? But more on that later

I usually attempt to see the good in people and eventers are, in general, very friendly and supportive of each other.  We immediately began talking and cracking jokes pretty much right off the bat.  I knew I liked her when she suggested what I was thinking: to commandeer the empty stall next to us and make it our tack stall. Great minds think alike – free tack stall!  (EDITORS NOTE FROM AMANDA: I have no idea what he’s talking about, I would never do such a thing. Lies.)

bobbypostDDWe have frequent titty twister wars, I always win because Amanda has boobs and I do not.

I watched her warm-up on Friday and saw that she actually could ride, too.  A new eventing friend that is funny, likes free tack stalls and can ride!  I did what everyone else would do and gave a her a good luck/friendship rubber band to wear all weekend (aka a braiding band that I blessed with good luck).  She kept it on her finger all weekend even though it turned a blackish purple by Sunday afternoon.  Boo has loved me since day 1, obvi.
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It’s how she feels about me despite the high frequency at which I see her middle finger.

Side note: One observation I made (which wouldn’t make full sense to me until I knew Amanda longer) was that her horse Henry would come over to the stall door just to pin his ears at my horse Halo.  Halo, like myself, is pretty nice and easy going so he didn’t really care or pay attention.  The funny part was that if I took Halo away, Henry would get upset and call for him. But as SOON as I brought Halo back, Henry’s ears were FLAT back against his head and he would make ugly faces. You know the saying that animals take after their owners?  BEYOND true.  Draw your own conclusions there.

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Amanda summed up in one photo.

Back to Meadow Creek. How does that saying go… something about how if you survive a natural disaster together you become closely bonded?? Blah blah, something like that but y’all know what I am talking about.  On the 2nd night of the show it started to rain, and by rain I mean pour, and by pour I mean it was like a hurricane, and by hurricane I mean like a mega typhoon.  There was literally a river going in front of Halo and Henry’s stalls AND a river going through our commandeered tack stall (F.U. karma!!!)!  We had to band together to save our tack, our hay, and anything else that doesn’t repel water – which was everything.  I want to say Amanda actually did a kind gesture and pulled Halo’s halter out of the river before being washed away or something like that, but I am still suffering from PTSD so I can’t remember (EDITORS NOTE FROM AMANDA: I would never pull his janky-ass halter out of a river, washing it away would do us all a favor). We did luck out with our stalls as the interior of the barn and those stalls were flooding BAD and the river was flowing through the aisle way. After a couple hours of diverting water and digging ditches, it did finally stop raining, and the water subsided from the barn pretty quick.  We proceeded to get a little tipsy and then called it a night, rejoicing that Halo and Henry didn’t have to become Chincoteague ponies.

My FAVORITE book growing up!

The next day it was very wet, but the footing was still ok.  Halo is an angel about everything but is PETRIFIED of culverts. Throw in a torrent of water running through said culvert that makes Niagara Falls look like a faucet and you get a Halo on XC who comes to a complete stop and won’t cross said culvert.  4.8 time penalties later we finish XC with no jump penalties.  Remember the Snow White from up above… well this is when the mask was finally removed and the taunting ensued.  “You’re not supposed to stop at the culvert to watch the water Bobby!”  “How does knowing you blew 2nd place feel, Bobby??”. Yes. You can guess what adorable Disney princess’ mouth that was coming out of…  That same princess who had a refusal and still got 2nd in her division. (EDITORS NOTE FROM AMANDA: you don’t have to NOT be a shitshow, you just have to be less of a shitshow than other people. Write that down, kids. Advice to live by.)

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 Proof that I can’t make this stuff up!!!

 

bobbypostgothSW

Snow White if she were Amanda.

To add insult to injury, when we went up to get our ribbons (I know, I know… I am shocked I was still talking to her by this point too!) the lady gave me my third place ribbon and is like, oh, I almost forgot your prize!  She turned around behind her, rummaged through a box, and dramatically produced… A BRACELET. A rubber bracelet.  Amanda collects her 2nd place ribbon and her prize is rummaged from the box… a BRAND NEW BRIDLE.

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Admit it, you ALL feel the same way. 

Now, take a good look at that picture of Amanda and I.  Look closely at her left hand.  Look even more closely at her left pinkie finger.  What do you see? You see my good luck/friendship rubber band that I gave her on day 1.  So, just like her big Novice move-up, her success at this show was all due to me!  A REFUSAL and you move up to 2nd??  What kind of voodoo is this, goth Snow White? You’re welcome, Amanda. SO very welcome. Once again, I kept your shit show of a self together and made you succeed.  Come to think of it… that rubber bracelet was indeed a rainbow colored bracelet…  and y’all wonder where she got the unicorn theme… Seriously, Amanda, would you even exist without me?

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The oh so rare photo of Amanda and I being civil.

33 thoughts on “Bobby Tells All: Volume 2

    1. OMG!! I fear for whoever walks their course while we’re doing our epic course walk. But whoever is stabled next to us – lucky S.O.B.s!!

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    1. OMG, you know how long it took me to write this one? My blog would have like one post a month! Plus it’s more fun to hijack Amanda’s and trash talk her to her readers!

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