We’re headed out this morning to make the 12 hour drive to my mom’s home town in Mississippi for her memorial service. Obviously, I am not looking forward to to this in any way shape or form for a multitude of reasons. This really makes it all feel final, and permanent… which it already IS, but after this, that’s really the end. I am not looking forward to all the emotions and feelings that are about to happen. I’m not good at them and I don’t like them. Hugs and pity and sympathy make me uncomfortable, but I’ll suck it up because it’s not about me, is it?
Before I go, I want to share the facebook post that my brother (featured above) wrote last week on my Mom’s birthday, because I feel like he makes some really good points that apply so much to everyone, but especially horse people:
I go through life kind of in the moment. So it took me being at the end of the story to fully understand the character of my Mother.
For the majority of my life I would’ve used words like eccentric, opinionated, caring, and generous. I’m not sure if it’s my maturity, or the conclusion of this last chapter, but I now recognize much more. While she was always caring and generous, she was also resolute, and an unwavering warrior in her battle with the cancer that ultimately stole her away. Growing up there were tough times, financially, for my parents. But aside from being taught to work for what I wanted and to appreciate what I had, I would’ve never known. I never had a need for anything; especially, and most importantly, my Mother’s love. It’s true I’m her favorite, albeit by a very slim margin. That could be for a lot of reasons: I look like her, I was the first born, when my Father was away with military commitments it was just she and I, or for nine years I was her only child. Or it could be that I required more work. I was mischievous, not afraid to cause trouble or find something to get into. Not in a problem with the law kind of way, but definitely not the honor role, exemplary child my sister was and continues to be. I was more of that project that required extra attention and Mom may have felt a bit more accomplished that I didn’t turn out a total wreck.
Mom taught me some incredible lessons to live by. Lessons that Lacey and I are ensuring Hayden understands:
Family is everything. It may sound cliché but I was raised to understand that it doesn’t matter the situation or circumstance; family is always there for each other, and can always be counted on.
What you have or don’t have doesn’t dictate who you are. What you do in tough times and for those that need you shows your true character.
Close your mouth when you chew. No one wants to see what you’re eating, and it’s kind of gross.
When you speak, do so intelligently. If you don’t care what you say or how you sound no one else will either.
And lastly be yourself. It doesn’t matter how bright or dull you are; how loud or quiet you are; be eccentric, be unique, be proud. That in itself is a true accomplishment.
Happy Birthday Momma … I miss you.
This is gonna suck.