I’m sure the roller coaster known as saddle selling is familiar to almost all equestrians. At some point in our lives, or at many points in our lives for the truly unlucky, we have to suffer through this emotionally hellish experience. It’s a very tempestuous time, and not many of us come out on the other side unscathed. Let’s break down the process in gif form.
1 – Worry
First there’s worry. Worry that your saddle doesn’t fit you or your horse right. Worry that it won’t work out. Worry that you’ll have to SELL IT and buy something else.
2 – Sadness
Then you confirm that the saddle in fact does not work, and you do in fact have to sell it. Cue unrelenting sadness.
3 – Panic
After the first wave of depression begins to subside, you realize that you need the money from the current saddle to buy a new one. In the mean time, you have nothing suitable to ride in. Time to panic.
4 – Anxiety
Now that you’ve spent a few days hyperventilating into a paper bag, it’s time to list it for sale. Don’t forget to clean it, condition it, measure it 6 ways to Sunday, take approximately 9 million pictures, write up an ad, and plaster it all over the internet (because lets be honest, you’re still a little panicked). Feeling any anxiety yet?
5 – Annoyance
Don’t worry, the anxiety will soon be replaced with annoyance when you start getting a thousand messages asking for measurements and information that you already included in the ad. Because reading is hard. Try to stifle the sarcasm in your replies. Almost succeed. Just kidding, fail miserably.
6 – Exasperation
Then you get that one delusional moron that offers you half of the listing price. I guess they’re hoping either you REALLY can’t math or you have a serious drug addiction and need cash right this second to avoid prostitution. Now you’re officially exasperated.
7 – RAGE
Brace yourself for the next idiot. This one will ask you to send the saddle to her for a trial, promising to provide references to prove that she is “of trustworthy character”. When you say no (not just no, hell no), she lectures you for 5 minutes on the importance of saddle fit and tells you she MUST try it on her horses. You manage to keep it together long enough to suggest that perhaps she should try a tack shop that offers trials instead. When she replies and says she can’t because all the saddles like yours are significantly more expensive from a shop, hide all the sharp objects. You’re about to enter the phase of Pure Unadulterated Rage.
8 – Delusion
Consider riding bareback for the rest of your life. No seriously… really consider it. How bad could it be? You don’t really need your lady bits anyway. We’ll call this phase delusion.
9 – Love
And then finally, FINALLY that one sane person in the entire world comes along and a deal is struck. As you’re packing the box to ship the saddle off you consider including a small token of gratitude… like your first born child, or basket of puppies. That wouldn’t be weird right? Because now you’re pretty sure you’re in love with this random internet stranger who has rescued you from a pit of despair and/or a murder spree.
10 – Relief
Once the saddle has been dropped off at the shipper, you take a minute to enjoy the feeling. Relief and joy fill your very soul.. it’s like the first warm sunny day after a long brutal winter. You have money in your pocket, you’re liberated from answering 15 stupid messages a day, and now you’re free to buy a new saddle.
Oh shit. Buy a new saddle? Motherf*c#3r! Climb back on the emotional roller coaster, this ride ain’t over yet.