Too many feelings

As I mentioned yesterday, Saturday was a rough day for me. It seems excessively silly to me to say even that, because nothing actually happened, but I did a whole lot of introspection on the drive to and from the rehab place.

henryhatgw

I am not an emotional person. I’m not touchy-feely, hugs make me super uncomfortable, and talking about feelings is pretty much a no-go, ever. I also don’t tend to fall in love with horses. Since I was 18 I’ve pretty much gone from one horse to the next, buying with the intent to sell. I’ve been quite fond of some of my horses, but I’ve never gotten super attached. Even Sadie has been for sale. Henry was purchased specifically for resale. I had a decent offer on him at one point, and I had a number in my head that I would have sold him for that wasn’t far from said offer. Luckily it didn’t pan out.

selfiehenny

I’ve always had an “everything is for sale for the right price” mentality, and I kind of always keep a number in my head for every horse… the amount of money it would take for me to sell them. For some of them it was pretty low, for others it was slightly inflated. Henry’s number started out pretty reasonable, and over the past year it’s gotten so inflated that it’s several times what he’s actually worth – far beyond what anyone would ever pay for him. That wasn’t something I did consciously… I didn’t really realize it until now, but the totally unrealistic dollar amount I put on him in my head is definitely a reflection of where my heart is at.

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Somehow all of these realizations hit me all at once, and I found myself sitting at the end of the driveway at the rehab place after dropping Henry off, bawling my eyes out. I knew that I’d gotten attached to him, I knew that I was immensely proud of him, and I knew that he was definitely my favorite horse that I’ve ever had, but until all of this happened I didn’t really realize how deep that went.

Until I started throwing my leg over other horses, I didn’t realize just how much I love riding Henry. Until I had to drive away and leave him at the rehab place, I didn’t realize how much I love having that goofy face neighing at me every day. Somewhere along the way, I really fell in love with this horse.

selfiehenry

And so I cried pretty much the whole way home, and on and off all afternoon. Why? I don’t really know. It’s pretty ridiculous in the grand scheme of things. 1) It’s a fairly minor injury 2) Henry is close enough, and my schedule is such that I’ll be able to go see him once or twice a week 3) He’s only there for a month. This isn’t a huge deal at all, much worse things can happen. But man… what a reality check this is turning out to be. I am obviously way more attached to him than I thought I was, and I guess I know that now.

Crap. Guess that whole resale thing isn’t really gonna work out, is it…

38 thoughts on “Too many feelings

  1. I’ve never been the type to think of a number that would make me sell, I’m definitely the type to get attached to all of my horses, so I know the pain you’re feeling! It’s like having a kid, no matter how small the pain they’re having, you feel it too. Luckily for Henry he’s got a great mom who’s taking care of it in the best way possible!! 🙂

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  2. (Minus the crying) this is the post I’ve been waiting for more than any tack review or show recap. This post makes my heart so happy. I understand how you feel, I ugly cried when I left my horse to go to college, but I really hate when people hug me or get sad when it’s the end of the year and we have to say goodbye until the next year. 💖

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  3. This is just….so sweet. ❤ He has your cold little heart in his clutches!!! Hahaha 😉 😉 I am in the same boat as far as having my favorite-horse-ever right now, and I am just trying to savor every single moment with him. I realize how incredibly special it is to have this kind of connection with an animal. Maybe you'll get lucky and will find your 'heart horse' more than once in your life, but there will only ever be one Henry, one Clay…Savor it and enjoy it. May this month of downtime be filled with treats and snuggles and relaxing bonding-time for the two of you. And healing for H, of course. ❤

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  4. Henny ❤

    i'm the kind of person who very easily falls in love with a horse and definitely bought Charlie with that express intention. idk it just somehow makes the experience that much more… idk, is justifiable the right word? lol

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  5. I’m that way emotionally – don’t want to talk about things or acknowledge them. And then, over what should be simple inane things in life, emotions will sneak up on me and I’ll suddenly react. And my logic-brain says, “Da fuq? Why are you doing this?” And my emotion/heart-brain says, “BECAUSE FEELINGS.” Ain’t it great? Horses, man, horses.

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  6. Your so lucky to figure this out now. I realized my once in a life time heart horse was just that when another horses kicked him and broke his leg. I had to make the decision to put him down. I still miss that horse to this day.

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  7. I bought Magnus to sell as well. I did get offered my price for him, but started bawling out of control in front of the person. I could not stop sobbing and realised I couldn’t stand sell him. The buyer was great – she wound up hugging me while I cried… eventually we had a laugh. (So Embarrassing! ) I have bought and sold a lot of horses over the years. I guess Magnus is ‘The one” for me and Henny is for you!

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  8. I also have a tough time getting attached and I really hear you on it hitting you now. While I think I know that Katai is no longer a project I don’t think I’ve quite had the same realization yet of just how much she means to me.

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  9. Heck. I rode other people’s horses, sometimes for sale, and I was still sad every time I had to move on to something else.
    The two of my own I’ve sold, I was super sad when the trailer pulled out, even though I REALLY wanted to sell each one.
    Such a sucker. 🙂
    If I ever get to where I sell my young mare, I’ll probably go into depression. ..

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  10. I know he you feel!! I’ve always said everything is for sale for the right price. Then…. I got my gelding, who was ONLY meant to be a resale. So, we put a number on him and the first time someone tried him, I got in my truck and cried. It was pretty embarrassing. Thankfully, that person and the others that rode him didn’t click with him. Then, we had someone offer us well past my number. I agreed to a trial but my husband (who always wants to sell and only agreed to purchase this horse as a resale!) talked me out of it! He said he realized how special and right for me this horse is and thought it would be difficult to find a replacement. So…… He still has a number, but it’s HIGH😄

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  11. Awwwwww. =-) I’m a no go on feelings when it comes to humans, but I’m a sucker for my pets and even before I bought my second horse (who I pretended could be as a resale project if it didn’t work out) I knew in the back of my head I wouldn’t be able to do it.

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