Playing Possum

Guess who is Pro Level at standing in the crossties looking exhausted the whole time I’m grooming and tacking up?

He’s not tired or sad in the slightest, don’t fall for it. I’ve made the mistake of believing him a couple times now and he thinks both occasions were HI-LARIOUSLY fun. The first time was when he talked me out of a serious dressage ride and into a bridleless hack instead. He spent the whole time snatching bites of grass while I kicked him and kicked him and kicked him (to no avail) like a Pony Clubber. If a horse was capable of an evil laugh, he’d have been letting them fly the whole time.

Standard behavior when I go to bridle him “Nooooo maaaa, I is too tiiiiireeeeddd…”

Yesterday he was so committed the the facade that he kept it up all the way until we started trotting. Walking out from the barn to the field took forever, because he Literally Could Not walk faster than a 30 year old lesson horse. But again, don’t let that fool you, because on our second trot circle he squealed and dolphin leaped as we passed by a jump. He just can’t suppress ALL of his Henny, no matter how hard he tries.

This weekend I bathed him… a nice long scrub with the Espana Silk stuff (because the hair on his butt is so long and thick that he was literally hiding a pebble in it) and then a couple of spots with the fungus stuff, and then some conditioner for his tail. I got aaallll up in there, it took forever. It was a warm day, about 80 with a slight breeze, and he had been really quiet all day, so I decided to let him hang out by himself on the super lush grassy patch behind the barn while I put my tack away. We do this a lot. He never wanders farther than the grass patch, because he is a fat ass. Plus he was soooo quiet, right? And we’d just done a long conditioning ride, and no one else was around.

Yeah, I fell for it again.

I was in the barn, wiping down my bridle, when I heard a few suspicious footsteps. I walked out the back of the barn to check on him and he had decided to let himself into the arena, where he was in the process of plopping down for a nice roll. He couldn’t even give me FIVE MINUTES of clean horse. I was too late to stop it, so I just watched as he flopped around back and forth, waving his legs in the air and grunting.

glad I spent half an hour scrubbing that

He finally got up, shook himself off, and then spooked at his lead rope, because clearly it was a snake and OMG would you believe it was following him? This quickly morphed into a fancy, snorty Arab trot for two laps of the arena while I just stood there like

Image result for facepalm gif

Image result for are you done gif

until finally he pranced into the round pen at the far end and went “well shit, I’m trapped” and waited for me to retrieve his muddy, disgusting, still-snorting self. Eventually I will stop falling for the “But Ma, I’m SOOOO tired!” charade. Maybe.

The good news is that we only have one more 80 degree day before a cold front rolls in, so maybe he won’t be able to fake it so much anymore.

Hopefully the cold front brings some rain with it, because it’s been a lonnnngggg time since we’ve gotten any. The ground is hard and I don’t like it. I popped into Dover on my way to the barn on Saturday to grab some Durasole and Magic Cushion, because a) somehow I’m out of both, b) I’m nothing if not paranoid. While I was in there I fell victim to the sale shelf. Normally it’s pretty easy for me to waltz in and just grab whatever essential item I need Right That Minute, because everything in that place is so massively overpriced. But this time the sale shelf (which I always make a quick stop at, because I am ever the optimist, but rarely ever buy anything from) had an array of goodies waiting for me.

Whoops

They’ve had this cool “corner” jump cup in there for over a year now. It’s basically just a single jump cup that can hold a pole on each side, so you can use it on a single standard to create a corner. I really wanted it when I first saw it, but it was like $40. It was cool, but not that cool. Every time I’ve been in there it’s been marked down a little bit more and a little bit more, and finally this time it was $9. Okay, fine, you win, Dover. It’s worth $9 to me. They also had a jumbo size bran mash (Tropical flavor) marked down to $7. Henry loves those things, so I couldn’t say no to that either. Or the slightly discounted oily container of Stud Suds.

I’ve been going to town with the Durasole and the Magic Cushion on his feet (come on, rain!) but I’m not sure when Henry will earn the bran mash. Maybe when he stops lying to me about his mental state and then going for an unattended Prance’n’Snort around the arena. Just saying.

4 thoughts on “Playing Possum

  1. so he is not afraid of the snake, I mean hose anymore? And yes he has your number for sure 🙂 HA Henry makes me laugh. too funny. I cant believe it is still so warm there. Well yes I can but hope you get a bit of rain and some cooler weather with the cold front (And it doesnt just skip Texas LOL)

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  2. I once left Jamp tacked up in the ring for a minute to show someone something in the barn. Reins behind the stirrup just in case of course. Well, the horse who never moves in turnout rolled in my precious Hermès saddle. I’d like to say lesson learned, but probably not.
    Don’t hold on to the bran mash too long, I’ve had them mold on me pretty quickly more than once.

    Liked by 1 person

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