Yesterday was my first time seeing/riding Henry in a week, since I was gone all of last week working at Luxe EQ. As soon as he saw me he plastered his face against his stall door, staring at me and nickering. I was flattered. Shouldn’t have been, though, because as soon as I opened the stall door he basically stuck my whole hand in his mouth. He thinks a week without his cookie dispenser is borderline abusive.

As I was grooming him (how does he get that filthy in a week?) and trying desperately to scrape some of that winter coat off, whether it’s ready to shed or not (COME ON HORSE), Henry suddenly snapped his head to the right and stared off into the distance. I poked my head around the corner to see what the heck he was staring at and saw one of the lesson kids leading the miniature donkey, Dudley, into the barn.

Henry has always been a little obsessed with Dudley. He’s only been close enough to sniff noses with him a couple times, but anytime he sees him he just stares. Not in the “omg it’s gonna kill me” way that he stares at such things as bushes, round bales, trees, etc (because smart, he is not) but more in a pure fascination way. Like he truly can’t figure out what this magical mystical fairy creature is.

So I unhooked him from the crossties and let him step up into the aisle to get a closer look at Dudley. He immediately snuffled him from the tips of his ears down to his feet, then just stood there creepily sniffing his face. Dudley played along for a while, but after a solid minute or two of this he got bored of Henry and started to wander away.

That put Dudley’s butt solidly in Henry’s face.

And that’s when Henry decided he was a stallion.

He started talking to him in the way that stallions talk to mares, then he arched his neck, then I turned around to back him away into the crossties and well… let’s just say that Henry was REALLY EXCITED about the donkey.

At this point the lesson kid’s mom is almost on the floor, she’s laughing so hard, and I’m trying to pry my pervert horse away from the poor innocent miniature donkey who didn’t ask for this. Henry has NEVER acted that way before, ever. Not even when the mare in the pasture next to his was literally squirting over the fence. He mostly just looked at her in disgust and kept trying to walk away. I guess now I know that it’s because he’s not into mares. Or horses. Clearly he’s got a miniature donkey gelding fetish.

That seems about right for Henry, let’s be honest. He has mastered the art of being weird.

I’m so sorry, Dudley.