The Cat Shituation

Okay, I confess, this isn’t exactly a horse related post. But it’s a story that I think really needs telling, because y’all… omg.

I know it’s been a while since I updated about Grem, the kitten I brought home from Willow Tree Warmbloods almost exactly one year ago. I didn’t plan on bringing her home, in fact I generally don’t like cats that much and definitely had no desire to own one. But geez she’s cute and since she was the runt of the barn cat litter I was legit scared she was gonna get eaten by something (also I am a HUGE sucker) so I brought her home. And I didn’t tell the Significant Other that I was bringing her home, I just showed up with a kitten and was like “SURPRISE WE GOT A KITTEN!”. In case you’re keeping track of all the ways that I’m a terrible girlfriend, add that to the list. His face looked something like this:

Image result for annoyed gif

But it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission, am I right? Especially if you’re holding a really freaking cute kitten.

Grem2
reminder of what I was working with at the time

It just occurred to me that this is probably how an episode of Animal Hoarders starts.

Anyway, I digress.

Fast forward to now and guess who is straight up OBSESSED with Grem? Yeah, that’s right, the SO has become a legit crazy cat man. She has more furniture in our living room than we do, and he built or bought literally all of it. That cat is rotten as hell, but she is his baby. Naturally, she prefers him to me. You’re welcome for probably saving your life, ungrateful cat.

GremRob
TRAITOR

The only thing he did not like about the cat was the litter box. He’s weird about poop and pee, so I was the one in charge of cleaning it. I’m a horse person, poop and pee don’t even register in my world. So somehow even though I’m the cat’s legit savior, I occupy the favorite human #2 (out of 2) spot AND I became her personal janitor. That’s messed up.

Of course, when I left for Georgia for 2 weeks, those litter box duties fell to him. And when I got home I was pleased to find that he had in fact kept the litter box clean. I wasn’t sure if he would, but all seemed well. Then I get home a few days later and there is a huge freaking box on my doorstep that says LITTER ROBOT. What the…

I drag it into the house just as SO is pulling in the driveway, and he’s super excited to see the box. He’s like “Oh great, it finally came! Wait til you see this, it’s SO COOL!!!”. Meanwhile I’m looking at him like this:

Image result for annoyed gif

Because I had a pretty good guess of what a “litter robot” might be, and I knew it couldn’t possibly have been cheap. It has the word ROBOT on the box, after all.

So he pulls this thing out of the box and it is a huge giant contraption that looks like a spaceship. It’s WiFi enabled, it cleans itself, it has a really fancy blue LED nightlight that lights it up like a bad nightclub, its got an app that goes with it that tells you every time the cat takes a dump, you can control it from your phone, etc etc. Like… they aren’t joking. This thing is literally a robot. For cat shit. I’ve never even used a bathroom this nice.

To be clear: two weeks of having to clean the litter box himself and he bought a literal cat shit robot.

I asked him how much it cost and he seemed hesitant to name a figure, so I cut to the chase and Googled it. Five. Hundred. Dollars. For a cat shit robot.

GremLitterRobot
She used it as a bed for the first couple days until she realized it was a shit box. Tell me that isn’t a pretentious looking cat?

I mean, it does have some pretty cool features. Granted, it’s so freaking huge that it doesn’t actually fit through the doorway of any of our rooms, so it’s currently living in a hallway. It definitely does clean itself though, and it pings you when the bottom shit storage tray needs to be emptied.

not full yet, just in case you were wondering!

But guys. Let’s be real here.

HE SPENT FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON A CAT SHIT ROBOT.

This is why we have separate bank accounts. This is why he’s never ever allowed to even so much as raise an eyebrow at ANY horse related item I purchase ever again. Neither of my horses have robots for their shit. I definitely don’t have a robot for mine.

AND THEN he started telling me about all the accessories we can purchase to go with it, like the $50 ramp or the $360 bamboo cabinet.

Image result for smdh gif

Horse chicks are crazy? No, sir. Cat dudes are crazy. And I only have to say three words to prove my case:

Cat. Shit. Robot.

*It’s a really nice cat shit robot though. Please don’t tell him I said that.

46 thoughts on “The Cat Shituation

  1. I have a litter robot! My husband and I have four cats and no basement to hide gross shitboxes, so it’s more of a necessity. It is pretty awesome, it makes life way easier! The only bad part is my cat weighs like 7lb so when she uses it, it doesn’t always set off the sensors and it gets stinky. Haha

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    1. It makes a lot more sense to me if you have many cats. Less sense if you have one lol. But I didn’t pay for it so I will just reap the rewards and get to use the “you paid $500 for a shit robot” if he ever questions any of my purchases.

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  2. My hubby turned in to both a crazy cat person and a crazy horse person. #winning

    Not gonna lie, I think I want one of these. You truly are an enabler.

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  3. HAHAHAHAH! You are 100% completely justified in any horse purchase from now until eternity. That thing looks neat though, too bad my cat would be absolutely petrified of it and never go near it. Or maybe that’s a good thing so my hubby doesn’t go buy one 😀 Although he mentioned something about the ‘poor UPS’ driver today because of ‘all his bike stuff’ so that may actually be worse…

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  4. omg im dying

    especially with the picture of her in it.

    ALSO I KIND OF WANT ONE??? but i mean I could buy 2 motionlite coats and have enough left over for a set of xc boots…for 1 shit robot…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I was so worried this update would be about losing Grem and I was nervous to read!!

    Boy. NOT the post I was expecting and SO MUCH BETTER. It’s super adorable the SO loves Grem so much – that’s just too stinkin’ precious!

    That said, I SO BADLY want a Litter Robot. Like, real bad and yet, I’m fully capable of cleaning up litter, so….. I guess until I move somewhere where a Litter Robot is needed, I’ll have to wait.

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  6. Gonna play devil’s advocate here for a minute.

    If you pay full board, or have ever paid full board, you’re basically paying $600+ a MONTH for a human servant to clean your horse’s shit. So, ARE crazy cat men so crazy? Or are we the crazy ones? Wait, don’t answer that…

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  7. So help me, if you tell my crazy cat husband about this robot box, I will hunt you down. It’s bad enough that we brought home another cat from the gas station no less, but $500 for a pooper Scooper might be the end of him. Never mind that brand new pair of field boots that I need to return because I didn’t like them once they arrived.

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  8. I have been married to my husband for 10 years and shit like this is why we never blended our finances. He doesn’t want to see what I spend on horses and I don’t want to see what he spend on things I consider stupid. Some people may consider this living in denial but it works for us.

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  9. Hahahaha ohhhh my goodness, this gave me quite a good laugh today! I think the fact he probably googled “self cleaning cat box” or the like and actually FOUND this is pretty funny as well.

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  10. Seeing as how i’m the only one who EVER cleans the *@(&%@# litterbox, I’m getting one of these. Thanks for the recommendation!

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  11. Grem laying in the robot is hilarious. Now your SO will need to buy her a cat house that is temperature controlled, with fancy lights, and a camera so SO can watch her during the day when he is at work…wonder when that will show up on your door step? 🙂

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  12. I am totally cool with cleaning horse poop all day long, but I would also buy a cat shit robot. Hands down. Like sign me up right now. Except I am allergic and cats must live in the barn only so I will probably never justify one for the barn. But if there was a cat in my house there’s be a robot. I mean, I kinda want to train my dogs to use one.

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  13. I considered something like this but then we decided to use the training system that lets you train your car to use the regular toilet! So our cat just does her business in the toilet and we flush it when we notice (we were warned not to teach her how to flush it herself because apparently water bills tend to skyrocket when that happens…)

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  14. I kinda forced the cats on the husband. He loves them and grew up with cats so he is quite happy to have them. But he hates cleaning litter boxes (seriously dudes get over it). So I clean them. But I don’t think I’ll ever buy a self-cleaning litter box.

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  15. My friend Chris and his wife were early adopters of the cat shit robots, more than a decade ago. When they got married they registered for one of the automatic scooper litter boxes that were on the market back then. These had an open top, and a wide scooper that scraped along the bottom and sieved out the lumps for you to deal with.

    Fast forward to the week after their wedding. The shitbot is in Chris’s master bedroom because, like your shitbot, it didn’t fit anywhere that they had previously hidden the litter box. Chris and his honey are getting down to business (he’s wearing his business socks, if you know what I mean), and the shitbot starts to do its thing. But this time it gets a little stuck on a clump that must have been very well adhered to the bottom. The shitbot strains. The shitbot’s gears grind. The shitbot finally breaks the clump free!!! In breaking the clump free, the shitbot sieve violently jerks forward with the stored energy from it’s efforts…. And sprays dirty litter all over the bed, Chris, and his wife.

    The shitbot was returned.

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    1. DYING here, too, at work, after I was already howling over the post. OMG. Those poor people…

      My guinea pig sprays poops and shavings on the floor for us to pick up when she has an attack of the zoomies, but I’ll take that over a cat litter box any day of the week. Am not a cat person. Won’t ever have one OR a litter robot. Nonetheless, this whole thing is comedy gold.

      And YOU, Amanda, are now officially SET with your SO forever regarding horsey purchase! I love it. Stroke of genius, converting him to Crazy Cat Dude and stranding him w/ litterbox duty.

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  16. Laughing hard enough for a tummy ache …

    Don’t show him this one that flushes the poop down the human toilet, after performing some legit septic work on it. He’ll buy it, and maybe keep the other one until he decides which he likes best.

    http://www.catgenie.com/
    (I haven’t tried it, have been cat-less for years. After years of cleaning a litter box for two beloved cats that are now gone to their higher reward.)

    Anyway …. can someone with 5 quality helmets really complain about 1 catshit robot? 😉 Henry and Presto seem to be living in horse heaven … well anyway. Lately I’ve been mulling the several hundred dollars I’ve spent this year on horse chiro, well spent, but – well, it isn’t how I was raised, for dang sure. Everyone chooses their poison! LOL

    Grem so hit the cat lottery. I am sure he counts his blessings, all the time. When he’s on a break from acting entitled. 😉

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  17. Oh my god, I thought the post was bad enough since it had me crying laughing and then the comments only made it better.
    My dad purchased a lawn mower robot when we were growing up and it somehow got named (Elbie.. You know.. L… B… lawn bot) and was practically a member of the family. It was spoken about like it was another human sibling. It’s charging station was referred to as his room (“Oh Elbie’s in his room!”) and my father often proclaimed it his favorite child.

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    1. I’ve been thinking about getting one of those. If I do, now I know the perfect name for it!
      They have a couple out at the barn that do the no-horse lawn portion of the property. Those little machines are so diligent and focused on their job. They don’t make ruts, they don’t poop, they don’t get distracted by anything including a blowing horse nose, they are just out there trucking away. And the lawn is always perfect. It’s great to watch them on the perimeters carefully mowing right up to the edge, then backing up and shifting a few inches to do the next bit, until they decide to trundle off in another direction.

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  18. I literally snorted reading this. We are about to get a kitten, and I’ve never had a cat, only dogs and horses. We’re opposite in that I’m weird about animals pooping in the house so he gets litterbox duties, but I foresee a cat shit robot in our future LOL

    Like

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