A collection of asses

I dunno what has happened lately, but considering that I own exactly ZERO donkeys, my life sure does seem a lot more donkey-centric than it should be.

This is Bob.

First of all, Presto lives with a couple mini donkeys. They’ve been his pasturemates since he came to this barn, and it’s actually worked out pretty well for him. He doesn’t seem to see them as “equals” so he’s not attached to them at all, and they can’t really inflict any damage on him when they’re playing.

If you’re asking me, though, these donkeys… they’re kind of jerks. Bob, the bigger one, is a biter, and in a sneaky way. More than once he’s snuck up behind me and grabbed my pocket, or my shirt. He’s persistent, too, and tries to insert himself into the middle of whatever I’m there to do. It’s not that easy to tie a rope halter on the distracted yearling when you’ve got a miniature donkey doing his best shark impression right at waist-level.

Sometimes I feel sorry for the donkeys but honestly they kind of deserve it

Then there’s Dudley, the smaller mini donkey. He tends to try to steer clear of Presto as much as possible. Probably because Presto has decided that Dudley is really fun to chase, and I’ve seen him out there running Dudley’s fat ass in circles on more than one occasion. But Dudley is also a master escape artist, and if I don’t chain the gate shut behind me in exactly the right way, that little shit will be out of the pasture and GONE in 2 seconds flat. One morning I got to chase him around in the dark for 20 friggin minutes until I could get him cornered.

Then there’s Henry, who has no regular contact with donkeys, yet is somehow ridiculously obsessed with him. The few times I’ve let him sniff noses with the mini-donks at the barn, he’s been… um… very attracted to them. Henry thought he was definitely a stallion, and those donkeys were the prettiest things he’d ever laid eyes on. Luckily he pretty much never sees them in his day to day life.

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Pretends to not care about anything. Cares a lot about donkeys.

Then, this past weekend, Henry had a complete and total meltdown over some donkeys. After we were done XC schooling I hauled him over to my friends place nearby, so we could stay the night. We turned him out in the paddock next to a couple horses and donkeys, and Henry proceeded to lose his marble (there’s only one in there, I’m pretty sure). The horses came up to the fence to say hi and Henry completely ignored them, staring past them toward the donkeys. Eventually those two finally wandered up to say hi to him as well, and Henry was OMG SO EXCITED ABOUT DONKEY FRIENDS.

Then the donkeys quickly lost interest and wandered away, and Henry’s meltdown began. He was running laps and screaming as if we’d just taken away and murdered all of his friends in the entire world. They were all of 30′ away at the time, mind you. He ran himself up into a sweat, so finally I had to just lock him up in a stall before he hurt himself. All these donkeys around and the Biggest Ass award goes to Henry. Clearly he is not mature enough to handle donkey neighbors. He didn’t give a shit about any of the horses, but he spent all night on-and-off pacing his stall and screaming for those donkeys. What. Even.

All of this drama seems to, OF COURSE, have triggered an ulcery reaction in Henry, who picked at his dinner the past couple days in a way that Henry never ever does unless his tummy isn’t happy. Great, just great. I think this time I’m gonna try to get the injectable omeprazole and see how that works… anyone used that yet?

Henry is officially banned from donkeys forever.

And all this wet weather has caused a leak in Presto’s outside stall, so he’s in the main barn for a while, which means I don’t have to deal with the donkeys when I go get him out of his stall. Fine by me, I’m about donkey-ed out at the moment. Horses are dumb. So are donkeys.

19 thoughts on “A collection of asses

  1. Rio also gets turned out with 2 donkeys- which are also assholes. One of them in particular comes right up to me as I’m trying to lead Rio in and literally blocks me with his body and WILL NOT MOVE. He’s holding me hostage for treats. I will try to swing the butt of the lead rope at him, or nudge him with my foot, or whatever, but little donk does not care and will NOT move. It’s SO annoying. If you get more aggressive he will swing his butt toward you like he’s gonna kick. Hasn’t happened yet, but I’m sure the day will come.

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  2. Awww Henry’s love sick… Poor Henny.
    But seriously Henry, DONKEYS? You could do better, bud.
    There’s a mini donkey at the barn where I sometimes ride my friend’s horse. It’s adorable and friendly, but the rudest thing ever. I was holding it one day so the vet could look at his horse friend, and he almost got away from me. Jerk.

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  3. Poor Henny and his single marble (that part made me laugh pretty damn hard). Before I got my old gelding he was living in a herd with horses and a mini donkey, and the mini donkey was his BFF. The gal tried to throw the mini donkey in for free when we brought my gelding home, maybe she knew something I didn’t lmfao.

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  4. Just the other day Pablo kicked me because I didn’t give him his food BEFORE I fed the horses. Donkeys really are asses. Hahahahahaha. The donkey jokes are endless, too. But, in all reality, they really are fascinating creatures. Crazy smart and insanely obstinate, but that is likely why they have survived as long as they have survived. We have had Pablo for almost 13 years. We couldn’t touch him for the first year or so we had him (when I was finally able to pet him it was because I fed him beer. He LOVES alcohol). Even now he will let you scratch him on his face, neck, barrel and the top of his rump, but go for his ears or his feet and he is long gone. He also will not allow a halter be put on him. I’m pretty sure some jerk abused him before we had him and it included a lot of pulling his ears. And 13 years later, he still hasn’t forgive the sorry jerk enough to let us take better care of him.
    I find it interesting that your horses (ahem, Henry) are so attached to the donks. Mine are by no means attached to Pablo, but when they are away from home and hear a donkey or mule braying, they whinny back. Which can be embarrassing.

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  5. This is hilarious. Duke is the same way about mini horses. I don’t know why but he is OBSESSED with them. Someone had one at a show this summer as a companion to their big horse and Duke dragged me across a field to get to it. It was pretty embarrassing actually, I was like waterskiing behind him across the grass.

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  6. Dexter has never met a donkey and I honestly don’t know what he would think. He loves small ponies though. One time last year we went to a local show and there was a pony roughly the same size as his companion pony any he was so obsessed. The poor little girl and her grandma were terrified of my stupid horse.

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  7. Poor Henny. They’re his only true friends. Lmao. My Arab was obsessed with cows. Don’t know why, but he absolutely loved them!

    Injectable Omeprazole is wonderful. So so wonderful. Can’t say enough good things about it. We had two horses on it this spring: Dutch Warmblood gelding who had uclers so bad his coat was dull and brittle; and QH gelding who would bite/paw/swish his tail everytime you put anything on his back. Both had almost instant results in behavior and demeanor. Both are on Relyne daily for preventative maintenance. The only time they get anything else is for shows and that’s normally Gastro Guard daily.

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  8. We have a lovely donkey next door. My horses have always been sort of fascinated in him. Of course we call him Eeyore, but his name is really Jack and sometimes my horses reach over the fence and pick him up by his neck. It seems horrible until I realize that even after they let go, that donkey doesn’t move away. He must enjoy his neighbor horse time too. Let me know about the injectable omep. I have been out of touch and have not heard about that.

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  9. I adore our mini donkey, my older TB jumper mare is absolutely obsessed with him, she lives with him and is happy as a clam. The first time she saw him, she ripped the leadrope out of my hand and ran across the pasture, full meltdown mode. A day later, she couldn’t get enough of him.

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  10. Okay, this gets my vote for funniest thing I’ve read in ages. Oh, Henry!!! Mini donks are your jam when it comes to sexxy time? That is soooooo weird…. 😀

    We have “Pepper” the Mini-Donk at my barn, and besides being oddly-shaped with fatty lumps where they shouldn’t be, he’s not so bad. But then, I’ve never tried to lead him anywhere and only interacted with him across the stall gate. When I’ve brought friends there if he suddenly brays they are quite startled!

    Side note: In that last photo that boy’s got LEGS, for sure. Wow!

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  11. Meanwhile Lucy turns into Regina George over her mini donk, Sancho. Granted, Sancho’s manners are… questionable at best and his leading skills are kind of like leading a drunk toddler in the dark, but I swear the mare is so mean to him! Not in a ‘gonna kill him’ way, just in a ‘it’s fun to be a total bitch to you’ way. He’ll creep over, one step at a time, when they’re turned out together until she notices him and chases him off. They’re like siblings.

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